Thursday, April 5, 2012

Luther Opposed Justification by Faith

For some reason I enjoy listening to Billy Graham
after attending one of our meetings.

There is a certain, small faction who are always quoting Luther. They miss this fact - Luther was against justification by faith.

Yes, he was completely against it. We all know that, but it is too upsetting to talk about most of the time.

We have to convert the last few people who cling to this false religion of justification by faith. If not, we need to crush them, silence them, break their spirits.

Luther really believed that the whole world was justified. And there is a long history of teaching that among Lutherans.

That has been our mission work across the world. As soon as a missionary can speak Swahili or Australian, he says in their tongue, "You were born forgiven. That is the Gospel. You think you have been a sinner all you life, but you were not. You are free of sin. You are a saint."

I cannot tell you how motivating that is for people.

My cousin at our college tells me that a few people here and there fell for that individual faith thing and tried to promote. We have that under control now. In one more generation, no one will remember. We will have our Bible in everyone's hands and we can prove it.

That is why we are dropping the "Lutheran" name, especially in missions. When people hear "Lutheran," they bring up the justification by faith error. Some of them get excited and want a liturgical service. How Mid-Evil! LOL. We have to correct them and say, "We are all Christians. We are all saints. We are all forgiven. You were forgiven before you even thought of it. That is why we love all groups, all denominations. Love is the reason. God loves you just the way you are. And we love you too."

Friday, February 24, 2012

Let Us Try Another Approach - One That Works

We are losing, big-time, my fellow spuds. We are turning into tater tots before the eyes of the world.

First, we have to work on spelling grammar. You-know-who is always making fun of us. I never want to see another (sic) in my life. He is to much.

Second, we need some better arguments. We sound like, "Nah. Nah. We beat Cardinal Stritch." The trouble is, nobody knows what C.S. is, and nobody cares. So we have to be bigger, stronger, better.

I have learned a lot in my 12-step program. I have learned to let go and let God. Yes, that is pretty deep, but it keeps me reasonably sober, on weekends. During the week, who cares? Ha. So if we are calmer and a little more sensible, we might get somewhere.

I know one thing. I am saving my beer money up to buy Photoshop. I am sick and tired of hearing people say at meetings, "Did you see that photo on I_____?" (Don't use the word or he will find us using Google.) And then everyone laughs, and I just get angry and want to go home and do something they will notice.

And when I do, they laugh and say, "Doofus. That was dumb and he's already throwing it back at you."

Friday, February 10, 2012

Our Dear Lutheran Colleague Is Losing It

Remember my colleagues. I warned you that our Lutheran fiend was losing it again. He has a fragile set of nerves. He starts raging and makes all of us look bad. Try to help him with his self-esteem issues.

We seem to have an abundance of neglected children among us. We have a lot of issues. My parents spent so much time in the church that I never saw them. My parole officer says I am looking for a mother replacement in the Church.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Keep Up the Associations

You know who can use kitty pictures, so we can too.

I want to encourage the brothers to keep up the good work. I know we got sliced, diced, scattered, and smothered. But we are still here.

I think we should pursue this idea of associations, without mentioning a certain person by name or his blog. He uses that against us. No, it works like this. If they mention WAM, call them disciples of WAM, and attack WAM. If they mention Luther, warn them about Luther. The "early Luther" side-bar was choice. Confuse them. Dazzle them with obscure references.

We also have to keep some of our friends a little more sane. I understand that getting into gun collecting can expose someone to old-fashioned lead shot. Touching lead shot while eating munchies is almost like eating lead. The effects on the nervous system, especially with someone so fragile, can be explosive.

That makes us look bad. So if you see that person starting to go whack-job, distract him with flattery about how important he used to be. Or ask about his guns and ammo.

Friday, February 3, 2012

I Am Fried

I am really fried.

We had a good plan. Our young friend would start a post and mention OJ. If anyone objected, we were going to flood the zone.

Instead, we were flooded with all kinds of objections, quotations, challenges. We tried to get everyone to ignore the enemies of Our Gospel, but we could not. I have seen more discipline in a European soccer riot.

We have to double up on the personal attacks. We have some good approaches now. Lay off the wife and kids. That just gets people hating us. It doesn't have to be factual. Just keep repeating the same things. Pretty soon it is established fact.

It's pretty dumb when one of us says, "I am quitting. This is my last post." And then the same person has 50 more posts. We have to be persistent, ruthless.

No whining on our favorite discussion site. It makes us look like loosers.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Well Done, Spuds!

We got our act together and showed we have a lot of starch.

Nobody is going to get the best of us when we have guile, treacherie, and secrecy on our side.

Someone upstairs is very pleased with our work. He called it our "labor of love."

We do the wet work, as they say in CIA circles.

If someone is hitting us on the head, we tear his arm off. Justice.

Remember not to share Twitter names outside the fellowship. You know what we do to squealers.